Total Change
How I long to change out of this rotting skin!
I burn and yearn to be made new – wholly new.
It licks at me, never truly leaving me alone.
When I go to bed, it’s the last thing I think at night,
and when I get up, it’s one of the first things in my head
I want to be made new.
I want the old flaky crumbling skin
the skin that’s held me so long enslaved
to fall off, to peel off
or to get ripped off like a bandage.
I am done with being wounded.
I want so badly to be healed.
I want to go from crawling earth-bound caterpillar
into the royal flitting monarch butterfly –
to take my old defective nature
and create something new and beautiful to behold.
Where can I go to find a transformer?
I want to be changed.
But with change comes pain, cahing pain.
Pain that stays in your limbs like cold ice.
You can feel it sit there waiting like artheritis
It’s constantly there, wearing you down
back to the way you used to be,
I want to be different.
I say I want change, but I grip my old nature
with the anaconda’s pressure around my skin.
I dig in and have no intention at all of letting go.
I do not want this wearing responsibility
But I must choose either that or to die.
I want to choose the right thing.
Pray that I do.
Growing Pains
It’s never really easy to grow up
and give up on stuff you want
when all you really want to do
(no matter how old you are!)
is throw a temper tantrum until
someone gives in and gives it.
But real life doesn’t respond to
any kind of temper tantrum thrown.
It just sits back and waits until
you’re finally done with pouting,
then proceeds to teach you the
real and painful lesson you are
in dire need of, for your service.
You are given the lesson you need
not the lesson you want – yes
because life is never about how
we get to take it easy finally now
but rather how to choose the hard bed
despite the comfy looking sofa
because that and that only is your due.
You will be all alone as you learn it
and nobody can take the class for you.
Nobody can take the pain in your stead.
You must take it upon yourself to
either learn from your mistakes and
claim responsibility or to deny your
heritage, and regress to the lower level.
It is only in the death of the seed
that mighty trees can grow.
